Blurry Prayers

September was a complete and utter blur. I think August finished, I blinked, and now we're here. The greatest thing is that it is October, my favorite month of the year. I'm not really sure when this became my favorite month or what moved it into that category - pumpkin spice, pumpkin patches, boots and scarves... Oh, who knows! I just absolutely love all things Fall and all things October.

What happened in September though? A lot of prayer. September has left me pretty weary if I'm to be honest. Tough moments and conversations, few celebrations, and tears shed along the way, have caused a good-riddance attitude for me. I'm so ready to move on to my favorite month now.

That blur was made so much harder by the prayers that have crept up inside of me, the dreams and desires that I didn't know were still buried within seeping out through tears of joy, confusion and frustration before the Lord. September has been scarred with a lot of pain for me. A lot of questioning. A lot of moments where tears felt like the only response I could utter.

Words That Seeped Through the Pain + Confusion

In early August, as I was sitting and reading overlying a beautiful hilly landscape in West Texas, I read something that stood out. It stood out to me so much that it's still lingering in the back of my mind. I've been slowly reading through Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer for what seems like forever now. One of the things I've liked about slowly walking through it is that I've had a lot of time to sit and ponder on different quotes.I actually haven't read anything in the book since that day:

There's no need for you to be burdened by or gripped with a paralyzing fear that you are not in God's will. If you are seeking Him and being obedient to what He has placed before you today, then you are in His purposes for now, and that is all He is asking of you and of me.Priscilla Shirer, Discerning the Voice of God

That part that if He hasn't said otherwise, then you are where you're supposed to be. Gut punch. It's been so hard for me as my mind wanders through the what-ifs, mulling over each detail of the dreams God has given me and wondering 'what now'? I don't know the answer to that. I do know that until He says move, it's not time yet.

What Now?

I've had several people confide deep fears, huge struggles and some heavy burdens to bear over the past month. I've had the privilege of helping to share the weight of those situations. It's so hard though. Tough times happen to all of us. I don't know where you are today. I don't know where you are in your own mess, the fear and confusion that plagues you or what is beating you down today.

What I do know is that there is a God that sees you. He knows right where you are. He knows what hurts are on your heart, like he knows what hurts are on mine, and He wants to carry them for you. Even if the words don't come, even if the only thing you can bring to God are tear-stained cheeks, He'll know what you're trying to say.